5 Things Married Couples Should Do To Avoid Fighting Over Money
Money is one of the most common sources of marital discord and it could be one of the toughest to resolve when left unresolved. This is because when couples talk about money, they just wing it. They are not aware of why they are really fighting or what significance it has for them. Fighting over money is no joke and has even been shown to be the top reason for divorce. If you find yourself having more arguments with your spouse over this issue, consider these tips.
Be Aware of the Evils of Money
You might just have been married and feel like you are the most romantic and most ideal couple in the world. Soon enough, you will realize that all this romance will fade to some extent and you will wake up to what it really is like to be married. Finances are a big part of it.
You might not have been warned before you got married, but unless you signed a pre-marital agreement, you and your spouse are united financially. Everything you own now belongs to him or her too, while everything that you will earn is also conjugal property. Some spouses earn more than other while some spend more than others, and this is where a lot of fights begin. This would ultimately result to broken marriages.
Understand What Money Is
Forbes says that couples might fight when one spouse splurges. The fight might be about that night when he bought drinks for everyone or when she splurged on an expensive dress. Couples might not actually be aware of what they are really fighting about when things get heated.
Money is more than just currency. It can represent control, status, freedom and more. To avoid fights over money, you should assess what money really means to you and your spouse. If one of you grew up in a poor household while one did not, you might not see money differently. Different people have different upbringings. When you understand what money means to you and your spouse, you can iron out your differences easier.
Discuss Money Differences
Many therapists have stressed the importance of couples being open and explicitly discussing their money differences to alleviate financial tensions between them. In your married life, you are very likely to come across this discussion. To make it productive, talk about your approaches to managing money and who spends or saves more.
After openly discussing, it is important to evaluate what money means to both of you. Those who have tried this would agree that fights about money are not really about it being a medium of exchange. Instead, it is about what money stands for in their lives.
Do Everything with Love
Regardless of where your money arguments or discussion will take you, remember that you are talking to your spouse. This is the person who you promised you would love ‘til you both grow old. For sure, you did not marry your spouse because of money issues, but did so out of love.
When discussing financial matters, it is very critical to keep your mind open. You do not have to win a battle or prove who is more superior. The key is for both of you to understand one another so that you could set compromises better. Also, both of you should adopt a positive mindset while searching for common ground. It might not be feasible that either of you will completely let go of your deeply entrenched take on money. However, it is fair to think that with compassion, understanding and respect, you can put an end to a feud that might have been quietly poisoning your marriage for some time already.
Create a Budget
Now that you understand each other better and decided on a common ground, it is time to make a budget. While this would make sure that the bills get paid, you should also make sure that each of you would have a portion that you are not accountable for. Whatever you call that portion, you can allow your spouse to splurge his or her hard earned money once in a while without feeling guilty. This personal space will not make the budget feel too restrictive.
While you and your spouse might have had an argument or two about money, your marriage still has plenty of hope. Money fights might be hard to manage, but it is normal among married couples. The key is to understand where each other is coming from, reach a compromise and agree to make things work together.
Do you have any money management tips for couples that have worked for you? How do you regard money in your own relationship? Share them with us in the comments below.
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